The Search For Self. And Anything Else That Comes.

It is only the first week in January and already I feel this year will go by unnaturally fast. This is not negativity speaking, but truth. There is so much to do and so little time, this year will be gone before we know it.

How will you plan on using it?

Resolutions I feel, sets one up for failure. So I’ve come unto one main idea to rule all others:

Be smarter.

Simple. Easy. And can cover every aspect of ones life. Take it and run with it. Hopefully we’ll start a new trend and a global phenomena.

So that’s it. I’ll simply be smarter. Hopefully, my life choices will reflect accordingly. And whatever resolutions you’ve made for yourself, I hope they work out too :)

Nothing is improbable until it moves into the past tense.- George Ade

July 1st.

The year is both behind and in front of us.

Truthfully, I can think of many great things that have come out of this year, but when balanced with what I will like to achieve, it falls short.

As some people have given themselves a year to set forth accomplishments, I only have until mid- October. Let’s review the list:

• 25 pounds by October 21st. That is just over a pound a week. *Lost about ten pounds, but through a series of outings and cheap eating, I’m back at square one. It’s not a good feeling when you see it all coming back…*
  

• New headshots *In the works. Friend was to do them, but I got sick. I would like to have them by September.*

• Walking in the mornings. Minimum of 30 minutes, 5 days a week. *This is just a straight fail. Even if I wasn’t eating how I wanted to, walking would have balanced out all the bad. And it doesn’t help that my job is not as active as it once was.*

• Find a new job *I’m not going to lie. I’ve looked, but have let other things take priority. *

• Get a paying acting job *Okay, this one almost happened! It’s not my fault the show got canceled last minute. And I haven’t really been able to work in auditions with my work schedule. Kind of an excuse, but mostly not.*

• Finish a manuscript or screenplay *It’s been slack-city in this department. Although I got new life breathed into me today. A friend and I will be working on a script in the upcoming weeks. I already have ideas flowing :) And another friend is going to be calling me to keep me on track. I love my friends…

• Sign up for improv classes *Can’t pay for the classes ‘till I find the job*

• Try stand-up *Still have the ideas, but haven’t sat down to write in a while. I’ll be writing jokes when I take breaks from the script*
  

• Get my driver’s license *Another “Can’t have one without the other” thing. Have to find a new job first… :/
  

I’m setting July 4th as my “back on track” date. No more major events. No more extravagance.  I’m getting too close to my deadline to slack on goals. Focus must be regained.

The passing minute is every man’s equal possession but what has once gone by is not ours.- Marcus Aurelius

I’ve been away longer than I would have liked, but things have been going off like gangbusters since my last post :)

Mid-may I saw another group of my friends graduate and decide (or not) the next phase in their lives. It felt good to be back where I was only two short years before. I partied the nights away with these lovely people, in celebration of the next step. It wasn’t until the euphoria wore off that I snapped back to reality. Time is going to move on whether or not I’m moving with it.

It’s hard when you’ve toasted someone to their future, but haven’t fully prepared yourself for your own…

Life is an irreversible process and for that reason its future can never be a repetition of the past.- Walter Lippman

Well with that said, I did get down to the gritty.

Everyone has it within his power to say, this I am today, that I shall be tomorrow.- Louis L’Amour

My resume is on point and it’s getting around. I’ve been submitting it, and prospects are forming…

BUT LET’S STOP RIGHT THERE!

That is off-brand soda in comparison to what has been driving my life for the past week :)

MTV is having a search for their veeeeery 1st Twitter Jockey!!!

I can’t begin to explain how awesome this is! To be able to use my voice to lead MTV within the fantastic-ness that is social media? Beyond Amazing!

So I’ve been going full-speed ever since I heard about the search. About 150 people have nominated me so far, and we are still 3 days from being over!

I just feel I have so much to offer of myself in a position like this. I am:

• Eclectic in my tastes (Music, movies, tv, books, theatre, social causes)
• Open to new ideas and adaptable to new surroundings
• Well-versed in what social media is and where is should be going
• Able to articulate myself with energy and vivacity

and

• Comfortable in my ability to express myself to a massive global audience

To get this job would be without a doubt, perfection on a cracker. If I get the opportunity to be one of the last two finalists (There will be twenty in all), I will shout it from the rooftops! Well you know, tweet and blog about it, then shout it from the rooftops :)

Keep your fingers crossed!

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.- Eleanor Roosevelt

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.”

~ Donald Kendall

Remember yesterday when I said I’ve been sending out resumes and headshots, to no avail?

Well, I got some avail :)

I got an email, last night actually, from a director about a multi-racial production of The Fantasticks!

Thanks for submitting you information to me. Rather than having fathers in the roles, I was thinking of having mothers instead.  I could easily use you as one of the two mothers. 

Can I get a “Hell Yeah?” Hell YEAH!

The auditions won’t be for a while, but I’m already ready to go in and give it my all. It is a musical, so that leaves me a little apprehensive, but I’m willing to try. I mean, that is what this whole “new lease on life” thing is all about, right?

Right.

Even if I don’t get the role, it seems to me he likes my look. Hopefully if I impress him in my audition, he’ll keep me in mind for future roles :)

In addition to that, I finally found one of the San Diego audition sites I was looking for.

http://dalemorris.net/w-agora/index.php?bn=sdtheaterinfoforums_auditions

FINALLY!

It is crazy how many amazing auditions I’ve missed that I would have been perfect for. This site is now added to my daily routine.

However, I found a audition less than half an hour ago that makes me immensly sad…

Open Call Auditions for 24 Hour Play Festival
on Saturday, May 8 from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm

Particularly interested in African-American, Asian American, Latino/a, and Native American actors.

There is no time to prepare. And the one thing - important thing -  I failed to think about when I started this “follow my path” venture?

I need to have a monologue memorized for situations such as this.

Bah.

It has been so long since I’ve auditioned for something that wasn’t a cold read that I’ve forgotten that I need to be prepared at all times. Surprisingly, I have a late shift at work tomorrow and attending this audition would have been entirely possible if I found this a couple of days ago.

Now, I know some might say: “Can’t you learn a monologue tonight?”

Yeah. I could. And I’d probably remember most of it. But it would be half-assed. And I don’t do half-assed.

I’m sad that I didn’t find this audition sooner, but all I can do is prepare for the future. That way, the next time an opportunity like this comes my way, I can grab it by the balls and make it my bitch.

Job for tomorrow: Search for audition pieces. Dramatic and comedic.

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.”

~ Buddha

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

~ Vincent van Gogh

Let us cover the days since my last entry…

I’ve looked online every day, sending out resumes and headshots to local theatre groups and indie film producers… and I haven’t heard anything back. They may just be slow to respond, however I’m taking this as a need to expand. Money is tight, but with my next check I’m investing in stamps and manila envelopes…

I called Mount St. Mary’s College in L.A. They have an amazing Humanities grad program and their application isn’t due yet, so I thought I should talk to an advisor.

They haven’t returned my call…

I don’t know if this is the universe conspiring against me or maybe it’s just a clue that this isn’t the right thing for right now. Either way, not having your messages returned sucks.

Anyway, my efforts need to increase exponentially. This week I haven’t walked. There have been preventive circumstances sure, but there are always circumstances. I do have a a ridiculous sleep cycle (As you can see I’m up now at almost 2:30am) and I’m going to have to regulate it before I can really accomplish anything…

I want to start volunteering again. I’m big on literary causes, so I’m going to try the library. By having something definite in my life certain hours of the day, I’ll be more apt to get started and not sleep my life away…

I really wish I didn’t need ten hours of sleep a night. It’s pretty ridiculous and it takes up so much time…

As far as diet, I’m been eating pretty decently. I’ve been turning down deserts and alcohol (except for on Cinco De Mayo, but I was tame in comparison to previous years). According to the scale, I’ve lost 2 pounds, but I was fully clothed so I can never tell. I’ll just have to see in the long run.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? Corny I know, but sometimes the most common known truths speak the best :)

“Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”

~ William Faulkner

“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.”

  ~ Susan Taylor

By 25, I expected to have achieve certain goals in my life. Now, with 25 (That’s a quarter of a century people) just around the corner… I’ve “stalled” on the road to success.

How did I let this happen?

I’ve graduated from college with a B.A. in Comparative Literature and a minor in Theatre. I’ve involved myself in countless organizations. I did greek life, leadership and community service. I even found time to fit in student productions, to which I am immensly proud. 

Was that not enough?

Maybe, because I do have friends who are in my same position. Although, I did think that my involvement in my organizations and well as serving as president in two would have given me an advantage. Not so much. We’re all in the same boat.

That is a bit of a cop-out. We’re not in the same boat, because I haven’t made much effort to change.

I’m still working the same job I had before graduation. Although it isn’t a bad job, it is definitely not where I would see myself as a college graduate. I run into people I know all the time and it leaves me with such a bad taste in my mouth because they as well as I expected so much more from me. Each year I’ve said “I’m getting out.”

Out to where?

My first real step into the world of adulthood came when I applied for a teaching fellowship. After an arduous application process, I reached the interview phase and flew all the way to New York City, only to find out weeks later that I did not receive the job and because there were so many applicants, I would never find out exactly why…

I let myself become disillusioned. Occasionally I expressed hope, but would make only the most minute attempts to actually put forth any plan to action. I’ve talked a big game in the past. I’ve dreamed up plans but made almost no effort in putting them into fruition. Excuses have stopped me and as it goes, gotten me nowhere…

So what am I doing about it?

I’m making plans. It goes beyond resolutions, beyond talk and dreams. This is a lifestyle change and I am prepared for the challenge.

Cycle one of the plan: Accomplish as much success as possible before the age of 25. 

Cycle two of the plan: Accomplish additional success throughout the entirety of my 25th year of life

That gives me 5 months and 21 days to make things happen

The List:

• 25 pounds by October 21st. That is just over a pound a week.
• New headshots
• Walking in the mornings. Minimum of 30 minutes, 5 days a week.
• Find a new job
• Get a paying acting job
• Finish a manuscript or screenplay
• Sign up for improv classes
• Try stand-up
  
• Get my drivers license

More to be added as goals are accomplished. I’ll be blogging my results to not only keep myself on track, but to hopefully gain readers that will help push me when things start to get rough. And if I inspire someone along the way? Awesome. That means I’m doing something right. Ready, Set, GO.

“So it is written, so it shall be done” :)